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Admissions 104: Welcome to Out Tov Reach U.
by Andrew Silow-Carroll

We’re so happy you’re joining us for a tour of Out Tov Reach University. Here is what you need to know to make the most of your visit.

Applications

Candidates are required to take both the SAT with the writing component and the ACT without the writing component. And vice versa. SAT Subject Tests are recommended, but not required—but rest assured that the other candidates took both.

As the number of applications has swelled, we have adjusted our acceptance rates according to demand (from our Board of Trustees). Two years ago we received 74,000 applications for 1,200 slots; this year we reduced the number of available slots to 900.

No worries: Every year we accept one or two exceptional students who have not received MacArthur genius awards—like the violin virtuoso who overcame a life-threatening illness while delivering humanitarian aid
in the Himalayas.

Don’t let this discourage you from applying. It couldn’t hurt. Every application to Out Tov Reach U. helps boost our U.S. News & World Report ranking.

Early Admissions

Early admissions programs are divided into seven categories: early decision (ED), early action (EA), single choice early action (SCEA), early single decision choice (ESDC), are you in or not (AYION), come on—we don’t have all day (COWDHAD), and too late—we just gave your bed away (TLWJGYBA).

Financial Aid

A representative from our financial aid office is available to break down our tuition and housing packages, and present various aid and loan options. To save time, we recommend you consult the attached list of Frequently Asked Questions, particularly: “Did you accidentally add a zero to that number?” and “You mean that’s for one year, not four?”

Emergency medical service personnel will be standing by.

Campus Tour

One of our impossibly chipper undergraduates will meet your group outside the Administration Building to guide your campus visit. The tour will last approximately 17 hours. You will begin at the newly renovated Student Campus Center, which is the East Coast’s only full-size replica of the Palace of Versailles. From there you’ll proceed through the Quadrangle, past the Podium, and under the Octagon to the LearningPlex.

Overwhelmed? Frankly, so are we. Our current capital campaign is nowhere close to paying for all this.

Student Housing

Our brand-new first-year dormitory has been designed by Frank Gehry. All suites come equipped with high-speed Internet and a flat-screen TV. Of course, spaces are limited. Should you not be one of the 12 students selected for the dorm by lottery, no worries: our “classic dorms” are a convenient 30-minute shuttle ride away.

Jewish Life

Out Tov Reach U. encourages a diverse student body, and, despite our founder’s roots in a Christian sect that deemed the Puritans too broadminded, we are especially proud of our newly established Jack and Sadie Blechman Chair in Semitic and Antisemitic Languages.

Members of the Israel Club often engage in lively debate with members of the Palestine Society, attending one another’s events and expressing their differences in the high spirits we have come to associate with the Mideast conflict itself!

If kosher is your thing, all our cafeterias are vegan-friendly—and lactose intolerant tolerant.

We know that choosing a college can be stressful. However, being rejected by Out Tov Reach U. does not mean that you will not succeed in life, as many of our own campus employees can tell you.

One of them even drives the campus tour bus that will be waiting for your family upon your arrival in
parking lot B.

Don’t forget your checkbook.


—Andrew Silow-Carroll, the editor in chief of the New Jersey Jewish News; author of the award-winning poem, “I’m a Jew Who Went to State School and I Don’t Care What You Think”; and the father of a college junior and two high school students. Pray for him.



 


Union for Reform Judaism.